But what am I sorry about?
real
She nodded, her mouth still smiling, but mixed with a trace of regret.
I know this decision is normal, and all sexual people will recognize me and don’t choose. I also know that I have done the right thing regardless of the real point of view, the world, etiquette or right and wrong, but I feel vaguely uneasy in my heart. I feel that I should not be so realistic, so selfish, and I will marry Larry. I love him enough to care about the outside world.
You can also say that he loves you enough to do what you want.
I told myself that, but not at all. I think women are naturally more willing to sacrifice themselves. She chuckled twice, just like going to a foreign wheat field in the middle of the Bible.
Why don’t you take a chance?
The atmosphere of our conversation was quite relaxed, as if we were talking about two people who knew each other but were not close to ordinary friends. Even Isabel gave me a laugh when she talked about her Larry showdown, as if she was afraid that I would take it too seriously, but then her face changed.
I’m scared.
We haven’t spoken for a while, and I feel a chill on my back ridge. This kind of reaction only happens when people show their true feelings, which often deeply moves me.
Do you really love him? I finally asked
I don’t know. I’m always impatient with him. I’m always worried. I think about him all the time.
We are silent again. I really don’t know what to say. The coffee shop is small, with thick lace curtains blocking the light outside. The wall is covered with large stones and yellow wallpaper, and the old paintings are decorated. The mahogany furniture and lame leather chairs can’t shake the musty smell, which makes people feel like they are in the coffee shop in Dickens’ novels. I picked up the poker and dialed the fire to add some coal. Isabel suddenly said.
In fact, if I show my cards, he will compromise because I know he has soft ears.
My ears are soft. I exclaimed, where did you get this idea? He insisted on going his own way despite the opposition of relatives and friends for a year.
On what I want to do, he will follow my advice and listen to me in everything, and he has never followed everyone’s footsteps silently.
I lit a cigarette and watched the curling smoke circle grow bigger and bigger and finally dispersed in the air.
Mom, Eliot thinks that since I broke off my engagement with him, I shouldn’t go together so often as if it were nothing, but I didn’t care. I paid him back until the end. I didn’t expect him to give in after realizing that I was serious. She hesitated for a long time and smiled mischievously. Would you be surprised if I told you a secret?
I don’t think so.
After we decided to come to London, I called Larry and asked him if he could spend the last night in Paris with me. I told my family about it. Uncle Eliot thought it was inappropriate. Mom said that it was unnecessary, which meant that she actually disapproved of it. Uncle Eliot asked us where we were going to have dinner and then went to nightclubs. He asked her to stop my mother from saying that I wouldn’t allow you to go. Will you be obedient? I answered, of course not. She said, I think so. Since it’s not necessary, it doesn’t make sense.
Your mother seems very understanding.
I think she saw a lot of things in her eyes. When Larry came to pick me up, I went to her room to say good night. I was a little dressed up that night. It was impossible to be plain in Paris. She looked at me when she saw me dressed, which made me feel that she had seen through my plan, but she didn’t say anything. She asked me to have fun.
What’s your plan?
Isabel looked at me hesitantly as if wondering how much she should confess.
I dare say I’m well dressed, and this is also my last chance. Larry made a reservation at Maxie Hotel. We enjoyed a series of good dishes. I ordered all my favorite foods and drank champagne. I talked a lot. Larry was made to laugh at me because he was often amused by me. After dancing together, we went to Fort Madrid and met some friends. Everyone chatted and continued to drink champagne. Later, we went to a nightclub in Akasha. Larry danced and looked like me. The children also matched well, and the music never stopped. I felt a little high and wanted to indulge myself, so I danced with Larry face to face. I knew he wanted me, and I really wanted an idea to come to his mind. In retrospect, it may have been buried in my subconscious. I wanted to take him home so that everything would happen naturally.
Oh, that’s very tactful of you to say.
My room is a little distance from Uncle Eliot’s mother’s room. Do you worry about being found out? When we return to the United States, I can write to him and tell him that I am pregnant and he can come back. I am married and I want him to return to the United States. I believe it is easy for him to stay, especially because my mother is in poor health. I thought that this method was really stupid before, so the problem was solved. When the nightclub music stopped, I still craved his arms. Later, I said that it was very late and I had better take the noon train the next day and go home to us now. I took the same car rental, and I snuggled up to him, and his arm hugged me and kissed me a lot. It was so beautiful. It seemed that the car arrived at the door in a blink of an eye. Larry paid for the car rental and left suddenly. He said he would walk home, but I put my arms around his neck and asked if you wanted to have another drink. He said yes, if you like.
He rang the doorbell, and as soon as we entered, he turned on the light first. I looked into his eyes, and there was no doubt that he was honest and naive. Obviously, he didn’t realize that he was about to fall into my trap. I suddenly felt that I couldn’t play such a bad trick. It seemed like taking candy from the child’s hand. Guess what I did later. I said, I don’t think it’s okay. Mom is not feeling well tonight. She fell asleep. I’m afraid to wake her up. Good night. I lifted my cheek and let him kiss him and pushed him through the door.
Do you regret it? I asked
Although there is nothing to be happy about, there is nothing to regret. I really can’t do this kind of thing. It wasn’t my heart. It was just an impulse. She grinned. Maybe it can be said that I have a conscience.
Maybe
I must also be more cautious after taking it.
Our conversation is almost over. Isabel must feel relieved to chat with people at home, but I can’t help but feel guilty and say a few more words of comfort.
People will feel very sad when they are in love with many twists and turns, but the most surprising thing is that sailing brings curative effect.
What can I say? She’s smiling.
Love is like poor sailing skills. A sailor’s bumpy voyage can make people suffer all kinds of torture, but you, Larry, are across the ocean, and you will suddenly realize that the unbearable pain just now will become insignificant.
Is this your experience?
Sort of. I’ve been through too many ups and downs before. If I want to fall into unrequited love, I’ll go on a cruise immediately.
It was still raining outside, so we decided to drive directly back to London. After all, Isabel wouldn’t lose anything if she didn’t look at Hampton Palace, Queen Elizabeth’s bedroom. After that, I met Isabel two or three times, but others were present. Later, I felt that I had almost lived in London, so I went to Austria’s Lor Mountain for a while.
chapter three
one
This time, I haven’t seen Isabel Larry for ten years, but I still often get together with Eliot, and because of my younger generation, we have more opportunities to meet than before. Occasionally, I hear from him that Isabel is getting along with Larry, but there is no news.
As far as I know, he still lives in Paris, but I’m unlikely to meet him. After all, our circle of friends is different. His tone seems smug. It’s a pity that his family is so good that he should have ended up in this situation. Isabel was lucky to get rid of him at last.
My circle of friends is not limited to my friends in Paris like Eliot. He must be blind to me. I will visit Paris for a short time. I have inquired about Larry from those friends. Some of them come and go occasionally, but no one knows about Larry’s recent situation. I also went to the restaurant where he often went, but found that the clerk recognized him as leaving Paris for a long time. Those local people who frequented cafes on Avenue Mont panas could not see him.
Larry wanted to go to Greece after Isabel left Paris, but later he couldn’t. This was told me by himself many years later, but for convenience, he told me in chronological order. He stayed in Paris that summer and was busy with work until late autumn.
